These past two months...

It is crazy how many times I've sat down to write this post and then changed my mind and decided not to write. I finally feel like I'm ready to start moving on.  This week we are moving back to Cleveland and leaving our sweet southern home that we've lived in for the past 9 months. This week will bring new beginnings, and it's bittersweet.
The past 2 months have been the hardest of my life! On New Year's Eve I found out I was pregnant. Casey and I were so excited because we'd been trying for a while and it was an exciting start to a New Year. At the end of January I started getting really sick. I wasn't sick at all when I was pregnant with Carly and Holland and this pregnancy totally threw me off.  I didn't just feel sick I was bleeding off and on and even though multiple ultrasounds showed no issues I was constantly worried. At this same time we got a surprise call from Casey's boss saying that we needed to move in a month back to Ohio. We weren't expecting to move until at least the summer and this threw all my plans off.  Marion, Arkansas was my home now and I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave my friends, Carly's preschool, our nice house, and the warm weather. I started having panic attacks on top of all my pregnancy sickness, and I felt like I didn't have control over anything. We couldn't even find a decent house in Cleveland!  My weight dropped 16 pounds in 3 weeks, which may be a good thing but not if you're pregnant. I told my Dr. and she wasn't worried, she said I'd feel better after the first trimester, and since the baby was measuring exactly on track at 12 weeks everything was normal. I was still a stressed out mess. I even passed out at my Dr.'s office when they tried to draw my blood because my blood sugar was so low. At the end of February Casey went out of town for 3 days to look for places to live in Cleveland. Those were the longest, hardest days of my life! And my sweet friend Jessie was an angel and got me through those hard days even though she doesn't even know it! The morning after Casey got home I woke up and was bleeding pretty heavy. I knew I was having a miscarriage. I called my Dr. and she said to come in and get an ultrasound. Little Holland came with me and sat quietly and perfectly on the chair beside me not knowing one bit what was going on. She was my angel there taking care of me. The Dr. and a student just stared at the screen. It was obvious there wasn't a heart beat. I was devastated. I thought I had caused this. Whenever I heard that someone had had a miscarriage before I felt really bad for them but I figured that since miscarriages happened so often it couldn't be that sad, right? Wrong, it stinks big time! I was pregnant for 12 weeks, and that sweet little baby helped me get through each day that I felt stressed and sick. When I found out that my baby had died I wondered why on earth did I have to deal with all this right now!? When it rains it pours. I scheduled a D&C and the day after it I felt an overwhelming amount of peace. I knew that I wasn't supposed to have a baby on September 10th.
During this hard time Casey and I have had so much love and support from family and friends. Whenever I would start feeling extra bad for myself it seemed like someone would call to talk. I have been so grateful for all of you who have just listened and commiserated with me. During this time I have also learned how important it is to be positive and optimistic. Sure we all know that, but I have really noticed how much better I feel when I realize all the I've been blessed with. There is so much power in having hope. Heavenly Father has blessed me with so much, and I know he answers my prayers. I have never looked forward to going to church each Sunday as much as I have these past 2 months. Whenever I walk in the doors I feel like I enter into a sanctuary of peace! Every talk and lesson that has been given has seemed like it has been for me. I know that Heavenly Father knows us and is there waiting for us to come to him! I am so grateful for my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the knowledge that I have that I can be with my family forever.

Casey is 32!

For Casey’s birthday this year we went out to eat and then had a little family party.  Casey is very low maintenance and continually said that he only wanted garments for his birthday and to not get him anything else because it would just cost more money. I never listen to him when he says he just wants something boring, so this year I bought him tickets to a Grizzlies game and set up a babysitter and we went out. 

Last year having Rainbow Chip cake and frosting. It’s Casey’s favorite and Better Crocker discontinued the frosting!!! I found some of that frosting at Big Lots and stocked up.

We love you Casey Garth! Thanks for being such a great daddy and husband!

Mom and Dad Come to Arkansas!

My parents came to visit the week after Christmas and we had so much fun! We explored Memphis, went to Graceland, went shopping, and ate delicious BBQ. When we’ve asked people what to do in Memphis they always say Memphis is known for Graceland, BBQ and MLK’s death place.  So we hit up all those things. My parents and I aren’t fans of Elvis whatsoever but we still wanted to experience Graceland. I am so glad we went. It was so interesting to see everything and it was actually fun. You wear a headset around and there’s a lot of cool info you learn and a lot of it is Elvis talking about stuff, and you don’t just see his house you get to see his estate. There are like 5 little homes behind his house; One was his office, one his racquetball court, and there are others I just don’t remember what they are… There’s also a museum with all of his awards in it. It is soo crazy. I also realized that he was a good guy and actually pretty handsome before he grew those sideburns out and started doing drugs.

Handsome:

Drugs and sideburns:

A few pics of the dining room and kitchen. Everything in the house is original.

His first Grammy, IN THE FLESH! (I got a little excited)

Walls and walls of all his awards

On New Years Eve we went and got some BBQ at Central BBQ. Everyone has their favorite BBQ joint here and we’ve tried all the popular ones, and Central is our favorite. It’s AMAZING.

Thank you so much Mom and Dad for coming to visit. We had so much fun!

Christmas in Texas

This was our first Christmas not going back to Utah and I had mixed feelings about it.  I was excited to spend Christmas in warm Dallas with my sister Kari , not having to spend all our vacation travelling back and forth from Provo to Centerville, and not having to spend $1600 to fly. However, there is just something about being at home on Christmas that makes Christmas special, and I missed Utah a lot this Christmas.  I missed snow and mountains and being with all the family. We did have an awesome Christmas with Kari and family though.  The weather was so nice. On Christmas it was SEVENTY degrees and sunny. We went to the park across the street from Kari’s house and played in the afternoon.

Holland woke up sick on Christmas.  My kids are always sick on Christmas. Her nose was non-stop runny, and she had a horrible cough and a fever.  I was so bummed because she wouldn’t be able to play with cousins and I was scared she would get Kari’s 4 month old baby, Asher, sick (and anyone else for that matter). She refused to take medicine so we resorted to mixing meds in with root beer (because we knew she’d down it all fast).  The morning we left she started feeling better. Poor girl. On Christmas night she woke up about every 30 minutes delusional. She kept saying “Carly quit touching me” or “Carly bugging me",  or just saying stuff we couldn’t understand.  Poor girl!

With Holland’s sickness aside, all of us healthy ones had a great time.  Carly had the time of her life playing with Ethan and Bentley. 

The night before Christmas Eve we opened all our big presents at home that we couldn’t take with us to Texas:

So excited to open presents

Walking down the steps to open presents

   Carly got a new bike!

      

Holland got a princess tent and ponies, but loved these tinkertoys.

New shoes, and clothes for Casey

I got a new blender and a lot of fun kitchen stuff

Christmas Eve in Dallas

                

              

                 

              

Facetime with my family in Utah

Christmas Morning!

      

                

              

What fatherhood will do to you:

Sweet sister and baby Asher

Thanksgiving

This year we took a road trip to visit Casey’s sister Tearsa and her family in Peoria, IL for Thanksgiving. The Sunday before Thanksgiving a tornado came through Tearsa’s city (Washington) and destroyed many homes. Her home was one of the only ones still standing, but still had a lot of damage and was unlivable. We still drove there to try and help clean up, and spend time with family and cousins.  We stayed in Tearsa’s friend’s house with Casey’s other sister Maryn and her family. It was so much much fun to hangout and let the kids all play.We ended up going to Golden Corral for Thanksgiving dinner and it was awesome. It was crazy busy but everyone could get what they wanted and we didn’t have to spend all day cooking and cleaning up! It was a lot of fun to see family and take a road trip.